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Rev's Reflections

FATHERHOOD

Just before Mother’s Day I wrote about mothers and in particular, my mother.  To make sure I give equal time, I write about fathers today.  It is an area where I have more experience, yet would certainly consider myself less than an expert.  Any success I experienced as a father is due to the grace of God and my wonderful wife!

Let me share some thoughts under a few topical headings.

PAIN:  This is what I have to write about before anything else.  As much joy, satisfaction, laughter, tenderness, and pure wonderment that being a father provides, there are moments of tremendous pain. A current area of pain is that we are estranged from our oldest son.  It is a long and complicated story.

We hear from Ben periodically.  He is usually upbeat about his life and what is happening at the moment, but we are saddened that we don’t see him, or hear from him often, or even know that much about what he is up to currently.  It is painful, but it is also our current reality and one we are willing to accept, even though it isn’t ideal or desirable.  In some ways, the only thing more painful than our estrangement might be being closer to him.  That has been terribly painful in the past.

There have been other painful moments in being a father.  Words spoken I later regret, modeling behaviors that didn’t always reflect the image of Christ, watching my children suffer from a relational breakup, or an academic or athletic disappointment, or standing by helplessly as they made some choices we thought might bring pain, but they had to make the choices themselves, trying to bring them comfort as they mourned the death of someone who meant a great deal to them. 

Being a father can be painful.

FEAR:  Being a father can produce a lot of fear in your life.  When our middle son was born (our first biological child) we had no experience in a birthing room and didn’t know what to expect.  The labor was long and difficult.  But finally, Jesse was born.  They cut the cord and the doctor took him off to the side.  The doctor huddled with the nurses and there were whispers between them.  We sensed something was wrong.  Then after what seemed like an hour (it was only a matter of seconds), we heard a baby’s cry.  Apparently Jesse had some trouble breathing immediately.  It scared us to death.

              

There is the fear that your children might not fit in, succeed, progress, or be successful (however you would define success). 

              

There is the fear that something we may have said or done would alienate our children from us in later years; the fear that they wouldn’t find a career path; the fear that they wouldn’t return from a trip, or pass a test, or make good decisions when confronted with difficult issues.

               Being a father can be filled with fear.

FORGIVENESS:  I want my children to forgive me for anything I may have said or done that continues to haunt them, or that scarred them.  I want them to forgive me for anger that was inappropriately expressed, for any lack of vulnerability on my part, for being too controlling at times.  I want them to forgive me for any time I may have squelched their spirits, or their ambitions, or their hopes.  I want them to forgive me for any time I may have used their accomplishments, or achievements, or successes to fulfill my own ego needs and need for recognition.  I want them to forgive me for any pressure they may have felt because of my personality, or position, or passions.

               Being a father means you need to be forgiven.

JOY:  I want to thank my children for all the joy they have brought to my life.  We have laughed a lot together and have done some really silly things.  For the joy of their successes in games, and school, and relationships, and in finding vocations to which they feel called and for which they have passion.  I want to thank my son for giving me a second daughter in his wife and for the joy of expecting our first grandchild.  I want to thank them for the joy we felt when they each made profession of faith and for the expressions of faith in their lives today.  I want to thank them for closing every phone conversation with this simple phrase, “I love you.” 

               Being a father brings a lot of joy!

I want to thank my heavenly Father for entrusting to me the role of father and for giving me wisdom, strength, patience, perseverance, and for making up for all my weaknesses by filling in the gaps.

~Rev

THE VALUE OF CAPTIVITY

The mind is a powerful thing.  Our thoughts shape our behavior, our perceptions, and our relationships.  The Bible tells us that we are “…transformed by the renewal of our minds.” (Romans 12:2) What we think about informs our heart and soul.

Many of us are plagued with negative thoughts about ourselves.
     “I’m no good.  I’ll always fail.  I’ll never amount to anything.”
     “My life doesn’t matter.  No one really cares about me.  If I disappeared, no one would notice, much less care.”
     “No matter how hard I try, I’ll never make a difference.  It seems like I mess up everything I do.”
     “God could never love me.  After all I’ve done, why would God care about me, I’m worthless.”
     “My life stinks.  And it’s only going to get worse.  I’ll never get a break.  There’s no way I can change the way I am.”
     “I have to take care of myself.  No one else, especially God, comes through for me.  I better grab whatever I can whenever I get the chance.”
     “I’ve got some people fooled.  If people only knew what I was like on the inside; my thoughts, my feelings, how I use my time and my priorities, they would have a different opinion.”

We all suffer from some negative thinking about ourselves.  And if our mind focuses on negative things, then we are transformed into negative people.

The root of most negative behavior is the false beliefs we embrace inwardly.  In order to be the person God has created us to be, we must identify and reject the toxic thoughts that keep us from God’s best.
“For as (a person) thinks in his heart, so is he.”  (NKJV)

God thinks much more highly of us than we tend to think of ourselves.  We are His chosen, adopted children for whom He sent His only Son, who suffered and died on our behalf.  God loves us unconditionally, which for me means, that God loves me in spite of myself.  He has prepared things for us to do on His behalf here and trusts us to accomplish His work and desires!

I need to be reminded of that more often.  Abraham Lincoln said, “I want to know all God’s thoughts.  All the rest are just details.”  Pastor and author Craig Groeschel writes, “Our thoughts are either focused on what’s eternal, life-changing, and true, or lost in the details of our temporary, selfish, false beliefs.”

Our lives are a battlefield.  To win the battle we need to control the battlefield, “Carefully guard your thoughts because they are the source of true life.”  (Proverbs 4:23, CEV)

Mindlessness is not failing to think.  It is failing to think properly about ourselves.  It is failing to pay attention to our thoughts and how they impact our relationships, work, and lives.

We think of imprisonment and captivity as negative things.  However, they can be valuable.  “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”  (II Corinthians 10:5)

~Rev

Showing Up

Playing college football sounds glamorous to many.  However, playing Division III athletics has no resemblance to what we know of Division I athletics.  There are no plane flights to play away games.  There are no giant stadiums full of adoring fans.  There is no special treatment or special favors done for athletes.

My college football career included trips to Upland, Indiana, Olivet, Michigan, Greencastle, Indiana and Defiance, Ohio.  Not exactly tourist destinations.

One memorable game was played against Georgetown University.  Not the one located in Washington D.C.  The one located in Georgetown, Kentucky.  We traveled by bus on a Friday night, stayed in a motel, played the game and returned home following the game, which made for a very long day.  Back in the day there were no beautiful football fields with artificial turf.  Everything was natural.  This particular field was horribly uneven.  When our receivers ran pass patterns into the end zone they disappeared over a hill. 

My father attended as many of my games as possible, but he traveled a lot for his work and didn’t always want to make a long road trip on Saturday for football.  He had looked at the schedule and had let me know that the Georgetown, Kentucky game was not a possibility for him. 

The pre-game ceremonies were over and the game was about to begin when I heard a familiar voice yell, “Let’s go Hope!”  I turned, and much to my surprise, there was my dad.  He had gone out of his way to show up in Georgetown, Kentucky to support my teammates and me.  His presence spoke volumes to me about sacrifice; encouragement, supporting others, and going out of your way for people you care about. 

Showing up is important.  You don’t always have to have something to say, or something to give, or something to offer.  Showing up, being present, can make all the difference in the world. 

The incarnation, God becoming a human being, is about God showing up for us.  When we feel all alone.  When we think no one really cares.  When we are ready to give up on others.  God always shows up!

Even in Georgetown, Kentucky.

RAISE YOUR EBENEZER

               It’s the “kickoff” of the summer season!

               It’s time to open the cottage!

               It’s a three day weekend!

Such is our perspective on Memorial Day weekend.

Memorial Day weekend often marks an opportunity for families to gather, to enjoy the first taste of what summer will bring, to get away from home and visit others, or if you are lucky enough, to open the cottage.  When we lived in Traverse City Memorial Day weekend was important for economic reasons.  When you live in a tourist town every long summer weekend is important for financial survival.

              

Lost in all of this is the origin of Memorial Day.  It is a government holiday set aside to remember those from our Armed Services who have given their lives in defense of our nation.  In many communities there will be parades, services and acknowledgements of this origin.  However, those celebrations are overshadowed by other cultural priorities.

Remembrance is important.  Pausing to give thanks is central to the lives of those of us who follow Jesus. Jesus taught:  “Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13)  Laying down your life for someone is an act of love.  Remembering those who have done that is important. 

The hymn, “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing”, written in 1758, contains this line:

               “Here I raise my Ebenezer”. 

It is a phrase that is taken directly from a story in I Samuel 7:12.  The people of Israel have been engaged in a long series of battles with the Philistines.  The Philistines captured the ark of the covenant, a symbol of God’s presence for the Israelites.  God sent plagues on the Philistines and they returned the ark, but more battles ensued.  Samuel offered sacrifices to God and prayed fervently for deliverance and when the Philistines approached God thundered with a great thunder and in the confusion that followed the Israelites defeated the Philistines.

As a reminder of the great victory God gave to Israel, Samuel took a stone and raised it as a memorial.  He called the stone Ebenezer, or “stone of help” saying, “Thus far, has the Lord helped us.”  (I Samuel 7:12)  Whenever the Israelites looked at the stone, they would remember how God had helped them.  When we sing those lyrics, we are remembering that we only are who we are, have what we have, and have accomplished, what we have accomplished by God’s providence, love and strength. 

              

So, while we are relaxing this weekend, or enjoying the weather, or family, or food, or second homes, let’s pause and remember, that we are who we are, have what we have and have accomplished what we have accomplished, because of the sacrifice of others and God’s blessing.

~Rev

PRISONERS

No doubt you have shaken your head a few times, wondered how it was possible, and found some of the information stomach turning.  I am assuming that because I am not sure how any human being could respond to the information that continues to be made available concerning the three young women who were held captive for 10 years in a home in Cleveland differently. 

              

There are many questions that I have and you probably as well.

Regardless of our questions, the reality is that these women were held prisoner and subjected to horrific treatment for ten years, and then were set free.

Not to belittle their torture, or the horrific treatment to which they were subjected, this story is a metaphor for our lives.

We are all held prisoner.  We are imprisoned by our fears, our success, and our failures.  We are imprisoned by an image we are trying to maintain and emotional events of the past, by people’s expectations, by our status, and by our needs.  We are imprisoned by addictions, by materialism, and by our perceptions. 

The Apostle Paul talks about our prison:

“For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.”  (Romans 7:22-23)

We are prisoners of things we don’t even realize imprison us.  We are held in our own house of horrors. 

Paul draws this conclusion:

“What a wretched man I am!  Who will rescue me from this death?  Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!”  (Romans 7:24-25)

Jesus rescued us from our eternal imprisonment; from living in our own eternal “house of horrors”.  We are delivered from whatever imprisons us currently and from our eternal prison. 

The women who had been held prisoners and their families celebrate their release with unbridled joy. 

Our lives should be lives lived with unbridled joy!

~Rev

               

Mother's Day

I am violating one of my “rules”:  Men shouldn’t write about Mother’s Day. 

It is fraught with danger.  Inevitably you will write something that will come across as sexist, insensitive, and wrong.  I long ago gave up on Mother’s Day sermons.  They either produce guilt or they make mother’s feel like failures because you lay out unrealistic expectations that come across as authoritative.  Or you are insensitive to the women in the congregation who have not been able to become mothers for a variety of reasons. 

When my kids were younger I would work with them on gifts for their mom that they either created themselves, or shopped for with me.  Now they are all grown and launched and are on their own when it comes to honoring their mom.  I think Becky has been, and continues to be a wonderful mom, to our children.  She makes up for all of my shortcomings.  But she is not my mom, she is my kid’s mom.  They should honor her. 

I will honor my mom.  The older I get, the more I stand in awe of her.  She is 87 and recently wrote in an email that she had gone golfing last week.  She has cut her golf down to two days a week in the summer and apologizes for taking a cart! 

My mom lost her first husband in WWII, leaving her a widow with an infant daughter (my sister).  She later married my dad and my brother and I were born. 

My parents divorced when I was 14 and my brother was 11.  My mom was a single parent long before it became “normal” and acceptable.  She was working full-time and raising two teenage boys on her own.  My brother and I were active in every sport imaginable and other school activities as well.  Our mom was dedicated to keeping our lives as “normal” as possible and not to have us miss out on anything due to our family situation. 

Like most teenagers, I didn’t appreciate my mom’s situation and the time, effort and spiritual and emotional energy she invested in our lives.  However, as I have raised my own family, I can appreciate all she did more fully.

At times I would wonder, “How did she do it?”  Then an image would come to my mind.   As a teenager, I would get up and sleepily stumble into the kitchen for breakfast.  My mom would already be up, sitting at the table with her cup of coffee and her Bible.  She did it every day, without fail. 

How do you find the strength, wisdom, perseverance and courage to raise two teenage boys on your own?  You begin the day seeking God’s perspective, insight and wisdom.  “Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5,6)

My mom was a great role model for me, and for all parents. 

Happy Mother’s Day!