What We Need, When We Need It

They had moved to the Mid-West from Texas because of his job. They knew no one here, but because they were young and it was a great business opportunity, they embraced the adventure. Both of them had grown up in homes deeply rooted in Christianity. The church was an important place for them. This was particularly true as they settled in a new town. The church was a natural place to meet people who would become friends.

They dove into our young couples group headlong. They weren’t shy about volunteering to help with anything. The only thing that stood out more than their enthusiasm was their delightful Southern accent. Our young couples group became their family.

After they settled for a while, they decided to start a family and were soon not only pregnant, but pregnant with twins! He traveled a lot, so she was frequently home alone.  She found being home alone difficult, particularly as the pregnancy progressed and she was near her due date. She dreaded the thought of him being out of town when the time came for her babies to be born. He assured her that he was never that far away. Most of his customers were reachable by car. He was never gone over night.

She kissed him goodbye one morning as he left for a day of sales calls in Milwaukee. He assured her that Milwaukee wasn’t that far from Chicago. It was like every other morning, until about noon when the babies decided to make their debut. She went to the hospital by herself and put a call into her husband which went to voice mail.

She arrived at the hospital and was sent to the delivery area, but after some testing the doctor came back with bad news. Her babies were in distress and would be stillborn. It was as if a bomb had gone off in the room. She was shocked and not sure what to do. She couldn’t reach her husband. She had the hospital call me, and I rushed there all the time wondering what in the world I would do or say. This was a first for me.

When I arrived at the hospital I was directed to the special area for problem deliveries. Her husband couldn’t be reached, I was to scrub in and be with her until her babies were born. I felt completely overwhelmed. They had skipped this training in seminary. I found myself in constant prayer. What else do you do when you are desperate?

The nurses were unbelievable. Obviously trained for this kind of situation, but more importantly experienced and gifted. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and hearing. It was as if God had dropped several of His minions into the room. I felt horribly inadequate. They assured me that my role was to simply be present, a poor substitute for her husband.

He called the hospital and they told him the babies were being born, but they did not tell them they were in distress. They didn’t think it was appropriate news to deliver over the phone, especially when he had to drive from Milwaukee.

The babies were stillborn. The nurses brought them to the mom and I stood by her bed and held her hand as she wept uncontrollably. I joined in her waterfall of tears and found myself with nothing to say that wouldn’t seem trite and unhelpful.

Her husband called again. He was stuck in traffic. It was going to take him an extra hour to get to Chicago. I waited with his wife for him. This was going to be horrible. We would have to break the news to him and revisit the gut-wrenching trauma all over again.

I sat on the sidelines in complete awe as the nurses tended to her. My stomach felt empty and my soul had a hole in it. Watching these amazing women go about their work with sensitivity, gentleness and expertise brought me comfort. They were doing a ministry of mercy, caring and love. God was at work through them.

The husband arrived. The nurses called me out to meet with them as they told him what had taken place. He scrubbed quickly and rushed to his wife’s side. I felt like I was somewhere I didn’t belong, uncomfortable as they shared their grief.

A half hour later I joined them again. We hugged, cried and prayed. We listened carefully as the hospital staff talked us through the next steps.

Some would ask, “How could a God of love allow something like this to happen?”

I have no satisfying answer except that we live in a world full of pain, difficulty and sorrow. Horrible things happen that we cannot explain. God watched His own Son suffer at the hands of people, and I believe God has unique empathy for parents who live in pain and particularly the pain of losing children.

I do know that this young couple, hundreds of miles away from family when tragedy struck, felt the unique presence of God in the midst of their tragedy. God placed them in the midst of a hospital staff that were God-like in their caring and compassion.

I do know that God gave me what I needed when I felt completely inadequate.

God gives us what we need, when we need it, and we often don’t know it until it’s over!

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