FATHERHOOD

Just before Mother’s Day I wrote about mothers and in particular, my mother.  To make sure I give equal time, I write about fathers today.  It is an area where I have more experience, yet would certainly consider myself less than an expert.  Any success I experienced as a father is due to the grace of God and my wonderful wife!

Let me share some thoughts under a few topical headings.

PAIN:  This is what I have to write about before anything else.  As much joy, satisfaction, laughter, tenderness, and pure wonderment that being a father provides, there are moments of tremendous pain. A current area of pain is that we are estranged from our oldest son.  It is a long and complicated story.

We hear from Ben periodically.  He is usually upbeat about his life and what is happening at the moment, but we are saddened that we don’t see him, or hear from him often, or even know that much about what he is up to currently.  It is painful, but it is also our current reality and one we are willing to accept, even though it isn’t ideal or desirable.  In some ways, the only thing more painful than our estrangement might be being closer to him.  That has been terribly painful in the past.

There have been other painful moments in being a father.  Words spoken I later regret, modeling behaviors that didn’t always reflect the image of Christ, watching my children suffer from a relational breakup, or an academic or athletic disappointment, or standing by helplessly as they made some choices we thought might bring pain, but they had to make the choices themselves, trying to bring them comfort as they mourned the death of someone who meant a great deal to them. 

Being a father can be painful.

FEAR:  Being a father can produce a lot of fear in your life.  When our middle son was born (our first biological child) we had no experience in a birthing room and didn’t know what to expect.  The labor was long and difficult.  But finally, Jesse was born.  They cut the cord and the doctor took him off to the side.  The doctor huddled with the nurses and there were whispers between them.  We sensed something was wrong.  Then after what seemed like an hour (it was only a matter of seconds), we heard a baby’s cry.  Apparently Jesse had some trouble breathing immediately.  It scared us to death.

              

There is the fear that your children might not fit in, succeed, progress, or be successful (however you would define success). 

              

There is the fear that something we may have said or done would alienate our children from us in later years; the fear that they wouldn’t find a career path; the fear that they wouldn’t return from a trip, or pass a test, or make good decisions when confronted with difficult issues.

               Being a father can be filled with fear.

FORGIVENESS:  I want my children to forgive me for anything I may have said or done that continues to haunt them, or that scarred them.  I want them to forgive me for anger that was inappropriately expressed, for any lack of vulnerability on my part, for being too controlling at times.  I want them to forgive me for any time I may have squelched their spirits, or their ambitions, or their hopes.  I want them to forgive me for any time I may have used their accomplishments, or achievements, or successes to fulfill my own ego needs and need for recognition.  I want them to forgive me for any pressure they may have felt because of my personality, or position, or passions.

               Being a father means you need to be forgiven.

JOY:  I want to thank my children for all the joy they have brought to my life.  We have laughed a lot together and have done some really silly things.  For the joy of their successes in games, and school, and relationships, and in finding vocations to which they feel called and for which they have passion.  I want to thank my son for giving me a second daughter in his wife and for the joy of expecting our first grandchild.  I want to thank them for the joy we felt when they each made profession of faith and for the expressions of faith in their lives today.  I want to thank them for closing every phone conversation with this simple phrase, “I love you.” 

               Being a father brings a lot of joy!

I want to thank my heavenly Father for entrusting to me the role of father and for giving me wisdom, strength, patience, perseverance, and for making up for all my weaknesses by filling in the gaps.

~Rev