Fully Present

I would not call myself technologically savvy, but I do alright for an old guy. I’ve got the smart phone synched to my desktop, synched to my iPad, synched to my laptop, and therefore all my email, appointments on my calendar, music, photos, etc. are all shared. I live on a cloud!

I like the technology that is made available to me. In many ways it makes my life easier. In fact I am writing this reflection on a laptop in the waiting room of the car dealer who is working on my car and I will send it via email using the car dealer’s free wi-fi.

I said to Becky the other day that I would have had a lot more time for socialization in college if we would have had computers rather than typewriters. Pages, margins, footnotes...they drove me crazy. Besides I would have saved a fortune on gallons of “white-out” (those of you younger than 40 will have to look that up in the history books.) She reminded me that I squeezed in plenty of socialization.

That being said, and at the risk of sounding like a grumpy old man, some people’s use of technology has run amuck.  Like so many things, something that was created to help us and make our lives easier, can go sideways. Back in the mid 1980’s James Naisbett wrote a book entitled mega-trends. One of the things he noted in his book is that we were going to become more and more of a “high tech” society. Certainly his observation has been realized. He noted that in such a “high tech” society, there would be a need for more “high touch” opportunities because we are created for face to face relationships, not technological relationships. I remember thinking at the time that that trend would bode well for churches in that we are in the “high touch”, creating community, business. I believe that is true today more than ever.

Last week when we were on vacation we made our not quite daily, but “regular,” pilgrimage to get an ice cream cone. We sat out on the picnic tables and enjoyed the great weather. Sitting at the next table was a young woman with four little girls approximately 3-8 years of age. They were eating their cones, chatting, laughing, and being kids. The entire time, their mom was staring at her cell phone, her thumbs moving rapidly over the keyboard, while she feigned interest and nodded occasionally to the girls as if she were listening.

The four little girls went inside the store which is a paradise for kids. It has all sorts of “treasures” they would like. They were very excited and super cute. I smiled as I watched them. They ran out of the store to their mom to share their discoveries, but she couldn’t look up from her phone to acknowledge them. Then she began to resemble a rope in a tug-of-war, her girls pulling her by one arm, the other tethered to her cell phone which had most of her attention.

I did a slow burn inside. In my mind I said, “Seriously, put your phone away and pay attention to your kids. You will never get these moments back. My guess is that whatever is happening on your phone is not a personal or national crisis. The message you are sending your children, no doubt unintentionally, is that whatever is happening on your phone is more important than them. Believe it or not your kids are listening to that message.”

This is not isolated to an age group, a gender, or a profession. I see it across the board, every day, everywhere. We are addicted to our devices. In meetings with people, if their phone vibrates (assuming they remember to put it on vibrate) they can’t ignore it. If a text or a message appears, they must immediately respond. I have been in meetings with some people where more of their time is spent checking their phone than in conversation. Some leaders require people to leave their phones and computers in their offices during meetings so that people won’t be distracted.

As one who is afflicted with ADD, I would argue that I can multi-task and keep track of several things at once, which is true. However, what message does it send to anyone who is speaking, or presenting, when I signal that I am not fully present with them? I am saying, with my behavior, that they are not important enough for me to give my full attention.

We need one another. People are important. When we are with one another, we need to be “fully present” at all times. Lately, I have been leaving my “smart phone” in my office during meetings to remove the temptation, heeding Jesus’ advice that if you hand is causing you to sin, cut it off!

I like my technology, but I love people. I want to be fully present. I hope that is what I communicate!

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